January 16, 2016 ~ Defined as sustaining at the same time a high-powered career, a successful marriage and family life with time left for personal growth, rejuvenation and recreation. If life went smoothly, there never was illness, the children didn’t need chauffeuring to their numerous activities, didn’t need a great deal of nurturing and support that takes much time and energy and the spouse was able and willing with a flexible schedule to pitch in with all manner of work required to support and maintain the house and family, and didn’t need any attention, love and support themselves, and your parents aren’t having issues or needs requiring your time or attention, and you have plenty of financial resources to hire support systems, have no problems finding trustworthy and reliable housecleaning and nanny help maybe you could have it all. But really? Oh, and no ongoing nagging guilt that some area is sitting in neutral or slipping down the hill from lack of proper attention.

Family is still the backbone of society and most desire having a satisfying family life. Generally, mothers who have chosen parenthood value family life. Children still need their mothers as much as they need fathers. There is a reason why roles of men and women operate as they do during child-rearing years. Reality is, women, when given a choice, will adjust, even delay their long-term goals for the well-being of their family. I personally have never met anyone, even hard-driving career women who don’t value their family and adjust their schedules wherever possible to accommodate family needs and togetherness. There is a drive and desire deep down over this even among the more dysfunctional families. Obviously there are the exceptions and extremes, people with serious addictions, marked narcissistic or other evil tendencies who are only thinking of themselves and feed off and drain family.

A more sane version of having it all might mean you look at life as a series of seasons in which various goals are achieved. This might help avoid serious burnout. People can accomplish many things over time, in appropriate seasons. It is important in each season to build on a strong foundation. Hastily building anything on a shallow foundation makes it susceptible to unforeseen or unanticipated forces. Rushing this process can bring instability and future turmoil. It is better to maintain each stage in a quality fashion while building support for upcoming or anticipated seasons.

Recovering from a divorce, with a long-term chronic health disability I needed to find a career I could do at home and was passionate about. Recently launching my website and blog, with much work still ahead of me, took huge amounts of time, learning, concentration, effort and resources. I have enjoyed only occasional outings with friends during this long season. Neither could I afford to dilute myself with dating or finding a suitable future mate at the same time. When I asked myself the question, what is the Lord asking me to do in this season, what is He providing for me to do and what will be most satisfying for me to achieve at this point in my life, it was without question, the fulfillment of my dreams for art and writing in a career. Having a rich relationship with the Lord, I have experienced His Presence and support through this. Unable to take on an active social life in this season of my life I have found my wonderful dog takes the edge off of too much aloneness and gets me out for daily exercise and very often because of her, interactions with people. God and the dog along with deeply meaningful work have enabled me to handle, and it is not always easy, a great amount of time in solitude. Eventually, a new season will open up for me where there will be room and time for richer relationships into which I can honestly put time and effort. The problem with attempting to have it all is it is extremely important that there is time for rest, for play, for putzing around and time with the Lord and His Word for spiritual growth. These need to be free of guilt, chronic deadlines and schedules. Life becomes miserable when there is no room for these and we become dry, robotic and often resentful and angry. Chronically pushing ourselves can also lead to serious health issues.

If we are listening to God daily, sometimes hourly, we hear from Him what the priority is for the season. He often gives “snacks” ~ temporary provisions until we can eventually have the more satisfying provision. I sometimes strive to get somewhere faster and sooner. But time after time, looking back I see His Hand in the timing and pace of things. Each season builds things into us we can get no other way so we emerge prepared and strengthened for the next season.

Whatever hard season we may be in, where our dreams and hopes can seem impossible, I know from experience there is a special grace, strength and wisdom given from the Heavenly Father when He is sought out daily. He makes a way for us, when we well know there is no way in our own strength and resources and surprisingly, wonderfully, something happens that shows He cares about our dilemmas and our dreams and hopes and a door opens up. Focusing on thanking the Lord for the good things we do have helps avoid bitterness and perks up our perspective.

Plan to live long and healthy spiritually, which in turn will lead to being emotionally healthy and result in wiser, life-building choices. Make healthy food choices, live in the best and safest place you can even if it is smaller than you would like, as environment affects our outlook for the future. Definitely avoid toxic people who drain your time and energy. Doing these things can give you the likelihood of living a long life thus opening up many opportunities to pursue the dreams you have. Look to and listen to the Lord when you sense He is telling you to come, or to go, or to wait or to do. He really can save you trouble and time on daily tasks and errands and promises to guide your steps and lead you on the best path. When trouble comes, cling to Him and step-by-step He will guide you through your storms and obstacles and when you trust Him, they are forced to work out somehow for your good. Every season has its joys and its difficulties, some of them extreme. Your whole world can come crashing down when you are trying to do it all too soon, too fast. Check yourself for insecurity, pride and selfishness, when desiring to have it all. These lead to the destruction of many good things you likely already have. Enjoy your process and the journey. Enjoy the little things each day brings. Enjoy the challenge of building your foundation in detail and in excellence. The Lord promises to bring us the desires of our heart when we have sought Him first, made Him the priority. He says no good or beneficial thing will He withhold from those who love Him. If your life came crashing down as mine did, know He will rebuild it with your good cooperation, and that foundation laid in Him will allow something magnificent and satisfying to arise. And, you will never have to go it alone in life when you have the Lord, because in Him, you ultimately do have it all!